🪶By: H. Aisha✰
I like solitude very much…
Perhaps because the noise of the world tires me out a lot, and the behaviors of some people hurt the heart deeply. Someone's loud voice, someone's harsh tone, the way of talking… sometimes all these put such a burden on the heart that the heart just wants to go far away from everyone to a place where there is neither the noise of the world nor anyone's voice pricking the heart… just silence and my Allah.
I like solitude because in solitude I get time to talk to my Allah.
Throughout the day, who knows how many things keep accumulating in the heart. Some such that the heart does not want to say to any human. Then when night comes, everyone falls asleep, the noise of the world stops, then I wait for this silent solitude of mine.
The last part of the night…
The cold water of Wudu…
A silent room…
Prayer mat…
And Tahajjud.
When I stand for Tahajjud, it feels as if I have come out of every confusion of the world and come close to my Lord. There I don't need to explain anything to anyone. As I am, with all my sorrows, weaknesses, and tears, I am before my Allah.
Sometimes while praying, words run out, but not tears. Sometimes I just sit silently and keep talking to my Lord in my heart. My worries, my desires, my confusions… I place everything before Him.
Even those things, which I might never be able to tell any human, I say to my Allah.
And a strange peace is found knowing that I don't need to complete my sentence…
My Lord knows even that thing of my heart which does not come to my lips.
I like that solitude of Tahajjud very much, where there are tears in the eyes and only Allah in the heart. Where the prostration keeps getting longer and the burden of the heart starts getting lighter slowly. Where every voice of the world fades away and only the feeling of calling out to one's Lord remains.
Perhaps that is why my solitude is dearer to me than people.
Staying among people tires the heart, but in solitude with Allah, the heart finds peace.
The noise of the world takes me away from myself,
and solitude with Allah meets me with myself again.
Opening the Quran and reading verses silently, standing before my Lord in Tahajjud, then talking to Him for a long time… for me, this is not solitude, it is a beautiful seclusion with my Lord.
I like solitude very much…
I want this solitude…
because it connects me not with people, but with Allah.
And if ever Allah takes me away from the noise of the world, I will not consider it a deprivation, but peace from my Lord. Perhaps He is giving me space to come close to Him. Perhaps He wants me to move away from everyone's doors and sit at His door.
O Allah! Make this solitude of mine Your closeness,
inhabit my nights with the love of Tahajjud,
and when the voices of the world tire my heart,
then grant me that peace in Your remembrance which is found nowhere else.
I like solitude very much…
Because in this solitude, I find my Allah.