Who said a daughter needs to go to her father's house to give birth?
A brother asked me a question in a message that shook me to my core. He said:
Brother, when a woman is pregnant, should her child necessarily be born in her father's house? My sister's in-laws are forcing her to go in this condition. What would you say?
I immediately replied, brother, this is neither a command of Sharia, nor a requirement of reason, nor permitted by ethics, because a woman's real home is her husband's home, and the child should be born where there is protection, where there is support. If she had to give birth in her father's house, then why did she marry you? Marrying you doesn't just mean you have sexual relations and send her home in trouble. Where is your honor and faith that you want to send this helpless woman home alone in this condition? O Ummah of Muhammad, what has happened to you? Where has your honor and faith gone? Why have you forgotten the teachings of Islam? Don't you know about the pain of labor 😭.
For God's sake, sometimes read the Holy Quran. When Hazrat Maryam (peace be upon her) became pregnant by the command of God and the time came for the child to be born, for God's sake, she used such words that the suffering of mothers can be understood carefully. Hazrat Maryam (peace be upon her) said, "I wish I had died before this, I would have been forgotten." That is why the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad ﷺ, said that no son can fulfill the rights of his mother because she endures the pain of labor, she fights with life and death. Aren't you ashamed? She needs you at such a time, and you say, "Go to your parents' house." For God's sake, control yourselves. This is also a major reason for our destruction. May Allah Almighty grant us the ability to understand.
There are girls in our society
who stay in their husband's house until the very end, even for months, and they especially consider it undesirable to go anywhere during pregnancy because their honor and faith dictate that they should go out less and walk less in this condition, despite the hardship of travel, physical weakness, pain, and fear.
They prefer to stay where they have a right to be, and I have even seen them not wanting to appear before any relatives and hiding themselves a lot, and this is also a requirement of reason. And it is certain that among all the women in the world, if there is any woman who is honorable, it is the princesses of Islam who always want to keep themselves safe, and they remain safe, not because they are women, but because Allah has placed honor in every individual of the Muslim nation. And those who want to show themselves in the world can judge themselves. The discussion was about pregnancy, and my honor awoke, and every part of my being began to question me, are there really people who consider a woman a burden in this most delicate time and push her towards her parents' house? I asked that brother, "Which area's custom is this cruelty?" He remained silent and didn't say anything? And started the next topic. Then what he told me tore my heart apart. He said, "Brother, our house is in extreme poverty at the moment. My elder brother had an accident and has been bedridden for the last five months. He was the breadwinner of the house. I am still a student, but now I am running the house by working as a laborer, and now our sister is being sent to our house in this condition. We are not able to handle it, but we don't have the courage to say anything."
My dear, then a scream came out of my heart, is a daughter's parents' house a government maternity hospital? Are parents ambulances? Are brothers nurses? And is a poor father's house a free ward? Where you can send the patient whenever you want, and the son-in-law gets rid of the responsibility? When a daughter laughs, it's her parents' house, when she cries, it's her parents' house, when she is sick, it's her parents' house, and when she is about to become a mother, it's her parents' house? So what is the husband's house? Just a fiefdom to rule over? Just a honeymoon suite? What have you understood? Are these princesses of Islam orphans? Has Islam given all the rights only to you? For God's sake, understand Islam, otherwise this era will tear you to shreds, not even pieces will be found on the ground.
And the situation is that this oppression is not done by the husband alone, but his mother-in-law, father-in-law, and family traditions stand behind it. The only sentence that comes out of the mother-in-law's mouth is, "We also gave birth there, our mother also gave birth there, this is the custom." I want to ask who gave you the right to this impure custom? Are you a contractor of religion, or a leader of a nation that if you promote ignorance, everyone will be obliged to follow it? As if the custom has become religion, and religion has become limited to the mosque. This is not a tradition but ignorance that has nothing to do with Islam. No one asks whether there is food in the girl's house or not? Is there medicine or not? Is the hospital nearby or not? Is there already an accident, illness, or poverty there? Does anyone there have the strength to handle her or not? Just the burden of their own house is thrown into someone else's courtyard.
My dear, the woman you took in marriage, in whose body your offspring is breathing, whose weakness is also rooted in the husband, then the first person who has the most right over her is that husband, not her parents' house. The Quran shouts out loud: ☆اَلرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُوۡنَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ☆
Men are the guardians, responsible, protectors of women. Being a Qawwam does not only mean giving expenses, being a Qawwam does not mean giving orders, being a Qawwam means becoming a shield on the day when a woman is most vulnerable. Have you ever wondered why Allah has arranged the marriage of a woman to a man? Glory be to my Lord, if He wanted, He could have created such qualities in some women that they would not need to marry men. Why were you made a ruler? A woman could also be your ruler. The only reason is that Allah has created women weak and men strong compared to women. She is gentle-natured, you have been made strict-natured because you have to handle her and yourself as well. And why is there more intellect in men? Because he should explain to the woman at every turn because she is deficient in intellect. And when she does not understand from your explanation and violates the limits of Sharia, then you have the right to divorce her and get rid of her, but you have to give her with rights, otherwise there is no sound in my Lord's stick.
Remember, those who send a pregnant woman to her parents' house, this oppression is not only on the wife, this oppression is also on the child, and this oppression is also on those parents who support their daughter in this condition only for fear that her house might break down. How many women become victims of silent depression, fear, and internal breakdown due to this coercion, which directly affects the health and mind of the child, and then we cry why the new generation is weak?
My dear, the man who cannot give protection, peace, and confidence to his wife in this condition is not a husband, but only an incompetent man, and he has not understood marriage at all, because it is said at the time of marriage that food and expenses are the responsibility of the husband. Someone tell me, does his right over the child remain only that he is the father by name, not by character? When it has come out of your being, then why should she take it somewhere else? May such customs and traditions be set on fire that make a mother feel ashamed of being pregnant.
This custom is not from Islam, this custom is a product of ignorance, this is the chain that is being put in the feet of daughters generation after generation, and remember that whoever orders this oppression, whoever remains silent on it, and whoever justifies it by calling it a tradition, all of them are guilty of violating the rights of people, and on the Day of Judgment
an account will be taken of every single tear from them, and your mother, your father, your sister does not have the power to answer for it in the court of Allah.
In the end, I will just say this much, if you cannot take the responsibility of a wife, then do not marry, if you do not have the courage to become a father, then do not have children, and if you are only a man in name
then remember, Islam does not consider such men as men, but a man is one in whose protection a woman begins to consider her dignity, honor, and reputation safe, that is the man in the eyes of Islam, and in whose protection a woman begins to consider herself weak and feeble, begins to feel inferior, I do not consider him a man, but in my eyes, he is a narrow-minded person who is not worthy of being called a human being because Islam has given him all the rights that she demands, and the responsibility of giving birth to a child and raising it is the right of the husband, not the parents. If it is your custom that she gives birth to the first child or any child in her mother's house, then I spit on such customs and traditions, and I consider such men impotent who are following the wrong path.
I apologize for speaking very harshly, but my brother, tell me, is this right?
May Allah Almighty grant us the ability to think and understand, may He grant me the ability to remain steadfast on the truth. Ameen Ya Rabb Al-Alameen, by the grace of the Holy Prophet ﷺ.
*✍️Student of Al-Jamia Al-Ashrafia✍️*