Eid Ki be shumaar masroofiyat, zimmedariyan aur thakan jaise poore wujood mein utar gayi thi, din bhar ki bhag dor, ghar ki tarteeb aur mehmanon ki khatir dari.... in sab ne milkar mujhe is qadar nidhaal kar diya ke mujhe yeh bhi yaad nahi raha ke kab meri aankh lagi aur bistar par lette hi jaise hosh ki dori toot gayi ho, phir achanak....
Aapi utho! Fajar nahi padhi kya?
Yeh alfaaz jaise kisi gehre kuen mein goonj ki tarah mere dil mein utarte chale gaye, ghabra kar uthi, saans jaise ek lamhe ko ruk si gayi, aankhen bojhal theen magar dil ekdam jaag utha tha, kamre mein roshni phail chuki thi matlab Suraj taloo ho chuka tha.
Ya Allah!
Kya waqai meri Fajar reh gayi?
Yeh soch jaise bijli ban kar mere dil par giri, nadamat ne mujhe apne hisaar mein le liya tha, ek ajeeb sa khauf, ek ajeeb sa dukh mere andar bharne laga, kuch lamhe baithi rahi bilkul khamosh, saakit jaise chand lamhe qabl ki samaaton (Aapi utho, namaz nahi padhi kya?) par yaqeen nahi aa raha ho, apne aap ko yaqeen dilane ki koshish kar rahi thi ke shayad abhi namaz ka waqt baqi ho, shayad alarm abhi na baja ho, shayad yeh sab ek khawab raha ho magar haqeeqat... woh toh mere samne khadi thi bilkul wazeh, beraham
"Meri Fajar qaza ho chuki thi"
"Kehte hain namaz hum se chutti nahi hai balke humari kuch khataon ki wajah se Allah khud humen apne dar par nahi bulata" aur yahi ek jumla mera dil khali kar dene ke liye kaafi tha, Ya Allah mujh se kaun si ghalti ho gayi?
Mujhe kyun nahi bulaya apne dar pe?
Yeh sawal mere dil ko cheer raha tha, mujhe apni masroofiyat yaad aane lagin, woh waqt jab mein ne duniya ko tarjeeh di,
Kya is masroofiyat ki wajah se mein namaz ke liye uth na saki ya sach mein Allah mujh se naraz tha?
In sare khayalat ko ek taraf kiya aur pehle uthi, wuzu kiya aur qaza namaz ke liye khadi ho gayi, jaye namaz jaise mujhe dhundhla dikhai de raha tha, haan shayad aankhon mein jama hue aansu ki wajah se, woh aansu jo nadamat ke the, woh aansu jo meri apni kotahiyon ki wajah se the aur woh aansu jo Allah ki narazgi ka soch kar aa rahe the.
Har ruku ek faryaad ban chuka tha aur har sajda maafi ki darkhwast.
Namaz mukammal ho gayi magar dil ki be chaini khatam na hui, phir mujhe Allah ka naam yaad aaya "Ghafoor ur Raheem" meri ghalti bohat badi thi magar Allah ki rehmat toh is se kahin ziyada badi hai na,
Woh toh maaf kar deta hai na,
Us ko apne bandon ka maafi mangna toh bohat pasand hai na,
Bas yahi soch kar dil ko tasalli mili ke mera Allah mujhe bhi maaf kar dega aur sach kahun toh Allah ka yeh naam "Al-Ghafoor" mera pasandeeda hai kyunke isi mein meri umeed hai aur isi mein mera sukoon bhi.
Jahan dil mein tha ke Ya Allah yeh nadamat, yeh aansu, yeh ehsaas... yeh sab kya hain? Waheen dil mein ek narm si roshni utri, shayad yeh narazgi nahi thi shayad yeh bulana tha magar ek mukhtalif andaaz mein, agar mera Allah mujh se naraz hota toh yeh ehsaas hi kyun jagata mein toh be hiss ho kar soti hi rehti aur mujhe koi farq hi nahi padta,
Isi lamhe dil mein ek aayat jaise roshni ban kar utar aayi—
"MAA WADDA'AKA RABBUKA WAMA QALAA"
( Tere Rab ne na tujhe chora hai aur na hi tujh se naraz hua hai)
Yeh aayat dil ke kisi bohat gehre hisse mein utarti chali gaye, jaise mere andar bikhre har khauf ko sametne lagi, aur mujhe yaad dilane lagi ke Allah ko mat bhulo woh tumhen bhola nahi hai aur aakhir mein har baar ki tarah is dafa bhi jaise kisi ne aahista se sargoshi ki ke "Allah hai na"
Aur dil ko mutmaeen karne ke liye yahi ek jumla kaafi hota hai.
Ya Allah! Yeh meri aakhri kotahi hogi Insha Allah, mujhe apne dar se mahroom na karna, bula liya kar Ya Rab mujhe apne dar pe kyunke tere Kun ke baghair toh kuch bhi nahi ho sakta, meri is nadamat ko mere dil ki bedari bana de, meri har kotahi ko maaf kar de Maula aur mujhe un logon mein shamil kar de jo teri yaad se ghafil na hon.