Nikah Mein Jabr Walidain Ki Ana Ya Shariat Ki Nafarmani?*

Is Forcing Marriage a Matter of Parental Ego or Disobedience to Sharia?

In human life, some decisions are not temporary but change the course of destiny. The effects of these decisions are not limited to a few days or months but extend throughout life and to future generations. One of these great decisions is marriage. Marriage is not just the union of two people but a sacred agreement between two hearts, two souls, and two families upon which the foundation of an entire society is laid. That is why Islam has declared marriage not merely a social custom but an act of worship and a Sunnah. But alas, in our society, this sacred relationship often falls victim to parental stubbornness, family pride, and social pretense. The child who has been raised with love for years, for whom nights of sleep have been sacrificed, when they reach the most important turning point in their life, suddenly their voice becomes meaningless, and the decision of their life is announced as if they are not a human being but a pawn to be placed wherever desired on the family chessboard.

It is a bitter truth that even today in our society, some people consider marriage not as a source of happiness for their children but as a means of satisfying their own ego. If a girl or boy expresses their choice, it is as if they have committed a crime. Immediately, sentences are heard: *Our reputation will be ruined,* what will people say, what will the community think?

It is strange that for a few days of social praise, a person's entire life is sacrificed. It is as if the happiness of the children has no value for some people; the only value is what the people in the neighborhood will comment.

If one thinks fairly, the question arises: *Does being a parent mean having the right to force every decision in their children's lives?* Are children just silent creatures whose job is only to bow their heads, even if the decision of their life pushes them into a prison where they suffocate for life? Islam does not accept this thinking at all, because in Islam, marriage is a contract of consent, not coercion. The Holy Quran provides very clear guidance in this matter. Allah Almighty says: *يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا* O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will. This verse actually cuts at the root of the mentality that considers a human being not as a human but as property. Islam has declared marriage not as slavery but as a relationship of love and peace. The Holy Quran expresses this reality in another place: *وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً* And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Now think fairly, where will peace come from in a marriage whose foundation is based on tears, compulsion, and coercion? How will love be born there? How will mercy descend there? It is as if someone sows thorns and expects flowers.

The Holy Prophet ﷺ has also made consent mandatory in marriage. He ﷺ said: *A widow should not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her permission is obtained.* This is not just advice but a clear command of Sharia that proves that Islam gives fundamental importance to human dignity and consent.

This reality can also be understood from a practical incident. The father of Sahabiyyah Hazrat Khansa bint Khidam (may Allah be pleased with her) married her off against her will. When she came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, he declared the marriage invalid. This incident is clear proof that marriage cannot be sustained with coercion in Islam.

But alas, even today, despite the clear commands of Sharia, some people consider their customs and traditions more sacred than religion. When it comes to religion, they proudly say that they are religious, but when the matter of their children's happiness comes up, the teachings of religion fade into the background, and only family pride and social pretense remain. Such people may not realize that they are prioritizing their ego over religion. Islam strictly forbids injustice. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: *Beware of injustice, for injustice will be darkness on the Day of Judgment.*

If parents, due to their stubbornness and ego in a sensitive matter like marriage, put their children's lives in torment, then this is also a kind of injustice for which they will have to answer before Allah one day. The status of parents is certainly very high, and Islam has commanded children to obey them, but this greatness is associated with justice, mercy, and wisdom. Guiding children is the right and responsibility of parents, but silencing their voice in the most important decision of their life is neither wisdom nor in accordance with the spirit of Sharia.

Parents should be a shade for their children, not a wall; be well-wishers of their decisions, not enemies. When marriage is done with love, understanding, and consent, that home becomes a cradle of peace and blessing. But when this relationship is established on the basis of coercion and ego, that home is no longer a home but a silent prison where lives are spent together, but hearts never become one.

Therefore, it is necessary that we change this dangerous thinking of our society, and parents should rise above their ego and make the teachings of Sharia the standard, because ultimately the decision is not to be made by people's tongues but in the presence of Allah, and in the sight of Allah, that marriage is blessed which is based on consent, love, and justice.